Marriage is a commitment, it’s commonly interpreted as a roller-coaster ride by many. Once you get into the roller coaster you have to make a commitment to ride it out and it’s not designed for anyone to get off at any point until it stops at the end. Unless you’re 100% sure that you want to get in, you better not commit to it.
Once you get into marriage life, experiencing ups and downs are inevitable. Marriage in general has highs and lows. However unless you work on minimising the lows, things are going to get worse and hit rock bottom.
Common instances of going through ups and downs in marriage may include
- Sharing joy, laughter and happiness while other times you are getting into each other’s nerves
- Feeling very close and intimate at times and distant and disconnected on other times
- Effectively resolving differences and conflicts sometimes while other times your efforts
- make matters worse resulting in ongoing disagreements and conflict
- Communicating in ways that you feel heard, accepted and supported and other times
- communicating in a blaming and harsh manner where you feel unheard, rejected and disrespected.
- Having the thought that you are with your soul mate and other times wondering “who is this person and how/why you married him/her?”.
- Agreement on financial and lifestyle needs of your life while strongly disagreeing on how each one should spend.
- Enjoying serene times with one another while other times are suddenly interrupted by intense explosive fight leaving you confused and shocked.
- Wanting to spend as much time with your partner as possible and other times wanting to be alone with “me-time” or to stay away from your partner as much as possible.
- Thinking that life is getting bored with your partner.
- Sometimes when your partner screws up or does something irritating, you give him or her the benefit of the doubt. But as time goes on, you become less and less patient and forgiving one another.
Best ways to manage ups and downs in your relationship
- Understand that ups and downs and fluctuations are normal and know that they are surely going to happen
- Be patient, kind and compassionate with yourself and your partner as you navigate the changes and curves
- Look back to where you were and where you are now in terms of growth
- Write down signs of progress
- Maintain openness and honesty in communication on a regular basis with your partner
- Seek input and advice from friends
- Identify your weaknesses and take responsibility for your part in the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship
- Feel your feelings such as grief, relief, sadness, joy, sorrow, loneliness and anger
- Look for an experienced professional to help you see things objectively
Steffanie Kelshaw, at Mount Vernon Counseling Center
provides professional support for those experiencing substance abuse, grief and loss, family and marital discord, stress, anger, depression, mood disorders, trauma, and anxiety. Get in touch with the Center to schedule an appointment.